So in recent months the TTC has found themselves in proverbial hot water over service and funding issues. Here are a few new service initiatives that they will soon implement to improve service and save money. These are real and have been leaked exclusively to Hot Off The Press!
- In an effort to stretch fuel economy and to improve schedule timing, buses will no longer come to complete stops at their destinations. Passengers will be expected to hit the ground running.
- There will be an extra cost ladies only VIP seating section with Adam Giambrone on the Red Rocket.
- TTC staff will now play instruments for money in the subway stations.
- The monotone female voice that announces stops on the routes will now be replaced by Adam Giambrone talking in a seductive manner to call out stops.
- The TTC will now provide rooms that are out of the public view for staff members to sleep in to avoid those annoying “gotcha” photos.
- To save electricity, escalators will only work in subway stations on the last day of every month.
- Lighting in designated waiting areas will be turned off at 4pm to further save electricity costs.
- Nose plugs will be handed out free of charge at subway stations with strong smelling dirty washrooms that can be smelled more than 20 feet away.
- The TTC will now add a 15% tax to panhandler’s profits in the subway stations.
- Extra Seating will now be provided on the roofs of subway cars to allow for more passengers to be carried at once.
- Subway train doors will only stay open for 10 seconds at stops. Passengers are now expected to rush the doors.
These will all be implemented in the coming months to help Toronto have the best transit system in Canada!