Just as a head’s up, for any matches I could find on Youtube, I’ve underlined them so that you can click on ’em and watch ’em! SORRY I couldn’t find the opener, which is what I’m sure you were all REALLY aching to see!
We open up this week’s show by showing footage from last week where Shawn Michaels “collapsed” in the middle of a match with Owen Hart. They’re totally playing this off as real and I think I might’ve bought it at the time. They did a solid job with it.
OK, I love the intro. (starts at :54)
Ahmed Johnson vs. Rad Radford
Oh, Ahmed. A man who went fairly far on not that much talent. Rad Radford is also known as Louie Spicolli and a Body Donnas-in-training (that went nowhere). Rad attacks from behind which goes nowhere of course as Ahmed knocks him down with a stiff forearm. Ahmed pounds away in the corner and knocks Radford out of the ring. Meanwhile, Bob Backlund is campaigning in the crowd. Yes, Bob Backlund was doing a fake campaign for president at the time. Back to the match, Radford actually drags Ahmed to the outside and gets some shots in but they’re mostly no-sold. Once they get back in, Rad chokes him out in the corner and buries some shoulders to the gut. Ahmed knocks him down with a sloppy clothesline though and an even sloppier bicycle kick, followed by a pump kick to the face. Big spinebuster puts Radford down just as McMahon mentions that Ahmed will face Dean Douglas at In Your House. Pearl River Plunge ends it at 2:47 for Ahmed. ½*, pretty much a squash here.
WINNER: Ahmed Johnson
Lawler gets a word with Ahmed following the match and makes dumb jokes (like jokes about him being dumb). Ahmed talks back with barely-intelligible dialogue but is quickly interrupted by Dean Douglas (who, being a teacher, he must’ve been insulted by Ahmed’s terrible diction). Dean tells Ahmed that the road to superstardom is in the ring and Ahmed tells him he wants to fight RIGHT NOW. Of course, officials run down and restrain Douglas before anything can happen between the two.
Tour de Force dates are announced.
Jerry Lawler not-so-subtly advertises a Twix bar. Yep, that happened.
Next up we get a focus on Shawn Michaels and his recent problems including the Syracuse incident where a marine beat him up (or the million other things that could’ve happened… draw your own conclusions), his recent shots to the head, and then the enzuiguri from Owen last week on RAW that led to Shawn’s literal downfall. Apparently, Shawn WILL be back though so do not fear!
Yes, welcome to the WWF’s VERY BRIEF obsession with Japanese female wrestling. AND OH MY GOD, BARRY DIDINSKI IS HERE. Don’t you just wanna punch this guy in the mouth? Just look at him!
Anyway, the match… the heels start off strong with double-teaming but Blayze and Kyoko take Kong out with a double dropkick. Things settle down to Kyoko vs. Aja… and of course, Kong destroys her. This match REALLY needs Jim Ross on commentary as McMahon & Lawler are clueless out there. Tomoko comes in now and takes Kyoko over by the hair and chokes her out for a bit before applying a painful-looking hold with the assistance of a foot in the back of the head. Kyoko attempts a cross-body to no avail and Tomoko gets a surfboard but Blayze quickly gets the tag and is a HOUSE OF FIYAH! Kong is back in and so is Kyoko. Aaaaaand Kong destroys her again. Jesus. Kong pulls off a British Bulldog-style suplex for 2 but Blayze breaks it up as we go to commercial. We come back with Kyoko kicking some ass, running the ropes, and dropping an elbow… on the thigh? Oops. Tomoko comes back with a cross-body but Kyoko runs the ropes and does a Kurt Angle- style overhead suplex off the top rope. Alundra’s back in now and goes for the German Suplex but Kong breaks it up. A pair of missile dropkicks by Blayze take Kong out but a third misses. Tomoko then runs in to slam Blayze down but Kong misses a top-rope splash, allowing Kyoko to get the tag. Kong once again uses her power to dominate Kyoko and then nails her with the spinning backfist for the win at 6:03. Wall-to-wall action here as they were clearly setting up Kong to be the next Women’s Champion before … other things happened. ***.
WINNERS: Aja Kong/Tomoko Watanabe (Kong over Kyoko)
Footage is shown from the Survivor Series of Diesel’s brutal post-match attack on the Hitman followed by footage from last week of Diesel interrupting a Savio Vega/Skip match and doing his infamous ‘tweener’ speech.
Now it’s time for the return of Brother Love (in 1995! Really?) as he’s here to interview the new WWF Champion, Bret Hart. Of course, Brother Love doesn’t give Bret a word in edgewise much like usual. Brother Love even mentions the fact that he brought the Undertaker into the WWF way back when and claims that Bret fears the Dead Man. I gotta give Bret credit for at least selling the whole thing well. Of course, he also mentions Bret’s upcoming title defense at In Your House IV against the British Bulldog. Finally, Bret gets irritated with Love and makes sure the microphone stays in his face so he can cut a promo on Davey Boy. They’re playing up the fact that the Bulldog beat Hart during their previous match at SummerSlam ’92, which is pretty cool but seems to make it fairly obvious that Bret will retain at the PPV. Bret shoves Brother Love around but suddenly, Bob Backlund rekindles their old feud and locks the Crossface Chicken Wing on Hart! I legitimately did not expect Backlund to show up as I thought he was pretty much phased out by this point.
Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs. John Chrystal
Before the match, Henry Godwinn introduces us to his “family” of pigs and talks about the Hogpen match at IYH IV against Hunter. The match itself is just a squash for Hunter as he picks Chrystal apart with his limited 1995 offense including using his knee a buncha times. Pedigree finishes this at 2:21. I don’t rate jobber squashes.
WINNER: Hunter Hearst Helmsley
It’s announced that Razor Ramon and Marty Jannetty will face the 1-2-3 Kid and Psycho Sid at the In Your House IV PPV.
Owen Hart [w/Jim Cornette] makes an open challenge for someone to face him at the PPV and end up “just like Shawn Michaels.”
The Undertaker [w/Paul Bearer] vs. Kama [w/Ted DiBiase]
If Taker wins, he gets the urn back. BUT WAIT! Kama comes out to the ring on crutches so he will not be able to compete tonight. DiBiase says that he HAS paid for the services of a replacement though and out comes Sir Mo. Oh, hooray.
Undertaker is currently in the mask-wearing phase as he suffered a “crushed face” at the hands of Mabel. Taker takes out Mo right away of course with throat thrusts and a big slam but gets tripped up by DiBiase from the outside. Mo clotheslines him to the outside so Taker goes after DiBiase… and Kama attacks because he’s perfectly fine, of course. Mo takes advantage and pounds Taker on the outside before ramming his back into the apron. We take a break and when we come back, Mo is choking Taker on the ropes. Thrilling. Mo takes Taker to the buckle but it’s no-sold and then he chokes Mabel’s bitch in the corner. Big boot puts Mo down followed by his trademark jumping clothesline. Taker then takes out Kama on the outside and intimidates DiBiase before going back in the ring with a chokeslam for Mo. DiBiase & Kama leave ringside just as Taker gets the win in 4:10. Did anyone give Mo a millionth of a chance here? ¼*.
WINNER: The Undertaker
The fighting doesn’t end here though as King Mabel comes out and tries to take the urn/gold necklace but Taker grabs it and has it back in his possession now. Now Yokozuna is out as well so Taker hands off the urn necklace to Paul Bearer and stalks the big sumo wrestler. This allows King Mabel to attack Paul Bearer and waddle away with the urn necklace leading Taker to stalk him to the back.
NEXT WEEK: Razor Ramon defends the IC Title against Dean Douglas! Marty Jannetty faces Sid!
OVERALL: Eh, it was an okay show this week. The ladies match was good but there wasn’t anything else here that really tickled my fancy (maybe that’s a really bad expression to use when talking about greased-up men touching each other).
TOTAL RING TIME: 15:21